I got out of the house a 3.15 today, wanting to go to jurong point.
In the end, I waited for close to 50 mins, and only boarded 154 at around 4.

Gosh! Cus it was raining so heavily, all the seats at the bus stop were wet so I couldn't sit and had to stand. I think it was the standing that made my back ached like mad when I was walking around in jp. I felt so tired and weak. Seriously, I think age is catching up on me or something. Need to start dancing and strengthen my body. =S


2 more days to my first paper. (okay, technically one) I need to think that I can never mug enough, so I'll work damn hard and not slack like I did today. I hope doing the questions in the workbook helps; I need to score for my papers. I need to push my limits.

Arigatou/KOKIA

Daremo ga kizukanu uchi ni
Nanika wo ushinatte iru
Futto kizukeba anata wa inai
Omoide dake wo nokoshite
Shiawase toki no naka kotoba wo ushinatta
Ningyoutachi no you ni
Machikado ni afureta noraneko no you ni
Koe ni naranai sakebi ga kikoete kuru
Everyone loses something
Before they even realise it
I suddenly realise that you’ve gone
Leaving behind only memories
Amid the happiness, we lost our words
Like dolls
Like all those lost cats on the street corner
I hear a silent scream

Moshimo mou ichido anata ni aeru nara
Tatta hitokoto tsutaetai arigatou, arigatou
If I could see you one more time
I just want to say one word: thankyou, thankyou

Toki ni wa kizu tsukeattemo
Anata wo kanjite itai
Omoide wa semete mono nagusame
Itsumade mo anata wa koko ni iru
Even if I get hurt sometimes
I want to keep feeling you
At least I have my memories to comfort me
I’ll always have you here

Moshimo mou ichido anata ni aeru nara
Tatta hitokoto tsutaetai arigatou, arigatou
If I could see you one more time
I just want to say one word: thankyou, thankyou

Moshimo mou ichido anata ni aeru nara
Tatta hitokoto tsutaetai
Moshimo mou ichido anata ni aeru nara
Tatta hitokoto tsutaetai arigatou, arigatou
If I could see you one more time
I just want to say one word
If I could see you one more time
I just want to say one word: thankyou, thankyou

Toki ni wa kizu tsukeattemo anata wo kanjite itai
Even if I get hurt sometimes, I want to keep feeling you


A nice song introduced by Saga-sama.
Credits to kiwimusume

It's such a nice day to sleep in today; all I did was read one chapter of my textbook and nothing more.
The rest of the time was spent on watching TV programs and eating.

Went out for dinner with mum. Had subway! The meatball thingy was good; it's kinda like what I'd always order when I'm having subway now. (It used to be subway melt.) Ordered soup for mum and snapple for myself. I was done helping mum with the unpacking of her sandwich and was on to unpacking my own when the horrible pounding pain occurred.

It wasn't the first time it'd happen, but this time, it's really horrible. Just recalling about it atm gives me the creeps. It was definitely equivalent to how a dog is suffering from an inescapable shock. You can do nothing to stop it. I recalled going through some self-talk, asking myself to take deep breaths and stuff, telling myself it's gonna go away soon, etc.

Mum said I looked like I was about to have fits. I think I prolly scared her bad. But the pain was ridiculous. I could not control my facial expression. It felt like a terrible, terrible pounding; As if someone's punching me at my heart area. And all the weird thoughts rushed into my mind. Like, what if I just collapsed there?


IDK. Life's too confusing to me right now.
It doesn't help when my body is acting weirdly.

an amazing song that everyone should at least try listening to.


somehow, when i was relooking at the translations today, it seemed pretty applicable.


just a thought.





and i really should start doing work.

Recently, i've taken to stay out as late as possible, partly due to the lack of concentration and motivation whenever I'm at home as well as the fact that I'll become pretty much emotional whenever I'm not out, i'll be alone and that's when my thoughts run amok.



my friends have been really encouraging; they're talking to me a lot, they're giving me tons of advice, they are really well-versed in the art of interpersonal communication.



but nothing beats seeing you, holding you, loving you.




come back to me if you still love me.
whatever the situation is, if you're willing, let's talk through it together and solve it.

After a hectic reading week, I managed to finish my three midterms and declared I should enjoy a nice break~ Basically, I did nothing school related the past few days since my last midterms ended and am currently procrastinating on my one page assignment due tomorrow.
Well, that's besides the point about my nice break (and I know I'll definitely finish the assignment up by tonight or tomorrow morning!).

Besides doing tons and tons and TONS of slacking, as well as going to marina barrage with my darlings and bff,
another major thing I did during my break was.....


GETTING ANOTHER EAR PIERCING!! HOHOHO!



I have been wanting to get a second earhole for ages; just didn't get down to doing it. One day, I just felt like after the midterms will be a great time to do so. so yeap! Maybe I was experiencing too much stress during the reading week. =X
Anyway! Above is a picture showing my new earhole. This is like the default ear stud that you'd always get whenever you get a new ear piercing no?


And being the fickle minded Me that I am, I knew I couldn't go down to pierce my ear alone, so I dragged darling with me. The dude who pierced my ears for me is a very very friendly guy who reeks of smoke though I believe he was trying to conceal it. The funniest part about him was his complaining that he is old and his eyesight isn't that good, that's why he kinda misjudged the distance when he was marking my ears. Major LOL moment! The piercing itself wasn't as painful as I imagined it'd be. Maybe I'm slightly M after all.


Yesterday, while I was slacking around and watching tv, I got my mum to removed the old school ear studs and wore these earrings!! And mum said she approves of it; I look great with the 2nd ear holes! 





I heart my new piercings too! 

Thanks darling for accompanying me to get this done! You're involved in a moment in my life. HAHA! XD

I'm so gonna change to this type of mero when miruku grows out of HER STUPID 3 STRAND HAIR STAGE!!!!!!!!!!

And today is such a lousy day.

I woke up feeling lousy.
Like, really lousy.

And I'm right, today's such a lousy day.

I didn't get to do much studying, and I feel like I'm falling sick. Yes, you know, the times you get splitting headaches, your hands and feet are cold, and you don't get the love you need. It really makes you feel even lousier no?

And it's like the times whereby you go, yes, I need to study cus there's only 4 days left till tests, but you just cannot cus there's so much stuff on your mind that you can't even clear it no matter how much you ponder, how much you cry, how much you yell to yourself to not think about it.




Yes, I need you now. Now that I've said it, will you be here?


Even if I don't say, will you not be here on your own?
Even if I do say, will you really be here?

Nana smoked the brand of cigarettes Ren did, not that she liked it, but more for the reason that it reminded her of him. The cigarettes define Ren; the swirls of smoke that surrounded him, the subtle aftertaste that lingered in their mouths when they kissed, and the air in the room they shared that reeked of stale smoke.

Memories: Painful wounds that healed partially, only to be ripped open violently whenever unpleasant exchanges occur. Both were too proud to apologize; neither refuse to admit, more than lusting for each other, was a genuine concern, love and jealousy so pure that would probably be tainted if it ever slipped through their tongues. In their world where music prevails, emotions and thoughts that could be expressed verbally are underrated. With a guitar, he strummed tunes of undying love for her. With her voice, she sang of his longing for him.

It wasn’t the physical distance that made loving each other so lonely; it was knowing that the voids in their hearts could only be filled by each other that made them vulnerable.

Why are we always focusing on the negative aspects of the net when I see tons of benefits at this very moment?

When I'm feeling as if I'm not in the mood to actively communicate with people, I can stick to short sentences and no one will probably pay too much attention to it (unless they're really sensitive and are your BFFs) cus that's the way the online world works. Short, succinct, sweet.

The online communication can be both synchronous and asynchronous, it all depends. So people would usually give the benefit of doubt and allow the other party more time to reply. Well, bingo! Take your time, throw your ugly emotions somewhere else, and return to face the other party with the usual poise, calmness and a touch of serenity that awes people. A sure way to avoid conflicts.

When I'm actually feeling really really really sad over certain stuff IRL, I'm still able to portray a really happy and "I'm okay" feel to any soul that I'm chatting with. Whoever said the lack of non-verbal cues will impair you? You just have to work around it, and make it useful for you. The things happen for us to manipulate to our advantage.

There are so many different channels online, you can choose the amount of self-disclosure you wanna engage in. Where to disclose what kind of information/emotions and how much you'd wanna disclose. It's all up to you. Don't people love the feeling of being IN CONTROL? Well, from this point of view, the online world will be able to provide you with an environment to do just that. Rejoice.


So what can you do?
You can...
Fake a smile.
Pretend to be interested.
Preserve your privacy.
Take your time to read, and more importantly, more time to react.




Cheers for online communication.

I feel good that i finally completed all the readings for Learning and Conditioning, so for now, at least I cleared some readings and am on time (i.e.: no backlogs) for 3 modules! -throws confetti-

for now, i'd just have to finish 2 more readings for trauma and i'll be on time. as for vasoo's module... i do hope i can clear it asap too.



all this reading is making me so drained.
endless stuff to do as well; projects are starting.

tired.
tired.
tired.

this was a snapshot from a few days back. took it cus i thought miruku looks really blissful when sleeping. sleep is definitely one of the things i'm pretty deprived off recently, and i think it shows on my face so badly, i get people asking me if i'm really tired pretty often. well, good for them (with regards to reading facial expression), i'm really really tired. about what? i've no idea.

i guess the bulk of it is attributed to the never ending school work. there seems to be endless readings no matter how hard i try to clear them. but that doesn't mean i'll give up on trying to do that, cus i know, if i do, then it'll really be a NEVER ending task. I wanna be back to the days when I do my readings in ADVANCE. sheesh.







and maybe i shd be practicing actively some of the things vasoo has been explaining about in lectures (like how kern does it religiously during breaks and what nots). communication has been taxing recently, no matter whom the other party is.





all i need is to figure out how to maintain poise and stay calm, with a touch of serenity even when my mind is a blank when faced with the questions fired at me.


maybe a smile will work.
maybe your smile will work.

I was totally swooning over the header of this blog yesterday! Isn't it so gorgeous and brilliant? -grins-

For the past few months, due to his hiatus/infrequent posting on his blog I've been neglecting him too. OOPS =X
So, I was totally cut off from any exposure of alicenine.'s photoshoots/interviews/etc, so this picture used in the banner came as a superb shock! To put it in wanyu's (or was it kern's?) words, he looks like a doll! =D He looks so great, I was totally just staring at him for a good 5 mins and just omg-ing over at my soul sister's window after she showed me the link.




Okay, I need to get back to my books. Have to finish at least chapter 3 of learning and conditioning today!!








Memories are indeed beautiful, especially when you're thrown back into the reality after reliving those moments.

I caught my mero, miruku, sleeping after I took a shower! It's so adorable! I managed to capture the pool and table in the picture as well~

It's a really nice weather (my favourite weather actually!) to sleep in too, but I've so much WORK to do and I just recovered from a minor headache. It's really a boo when your mood's down isn't it?


Anyway! Random discoveries in school! There's a fashionista (pointy, glossy, covered shoes! x very very japanese influenced dressing) in one of my lecture groups and I get to see hiroto lookalike every time I go to school super early in the morning~~~ And I need to find a tora lookalike in school for wanyu.

Speaking about tora, that dude has INKS not only on his finger, but on his stomach (and above his nipple) AS WELL!!!!! Time to go shirtless, dude! I wanna see how your tattoos look like!!!!

In addition, I heard nao's training to go shirtless as well. So it's up to TORA and SHOU now to go shirtless. AND alicenine, like what soul sister said, will be a shirtless band. What a nice thing for the stylists! Lesser ideas needed! =D

And thinking back, I think I do have a hidden love for guys (and girl) with nice inks. HYDE's signature wings tattoo, Miyavi's wacky initials and quotes, Kiyoharu's oriental-inspired designs, Maonyan's matching star tattoo, Aki's butterflies on his back, Mika's GORGEOUS lotus design and inner wrists tattoos as well as someone's narcissistic expression through his inks. 


Oh no. It's really true. <3

It's FOUR days to baybeats 2009!!! I'm so excited! Hopefully, those whom I called will be able to make it for Flawed Element's performance!!! \m/




Random and totally bhb-ish but!





REI LOOKS AS CUTE AS HIS OWNER WHEN HE IS SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEPING!!!!!! -squeals-

When I complain,
most of the time, it's just for the sake of complaining.
You know, like eating for the sake of eating, working for the sake of money.

It isn't that you do it out of interest or passion.
You just do it cus it's part and parcel of life, and that it prolly will make you feel better about the situation you're in.

From another pov, it's prolly pointless.
I feel so inclinced to agree with that, but when I stop to ponder about me after complaining, I acty do feel better most of the times.


Sometimes, the anger that I feeling is not for myself, but for the people around me.
I know it sounds silly, but that's me.

I complain and make a fuss out of something;
I scream and yell four-letter words, voicing out my opinions.
Just because I feel the people around me shouldn't be receiving such kind of sucky treatment.

And what do I get in return?
People asking me why am I so affected.
And it makes me feel silly, cus they're the ones who I'm standing up for.


So when I stop and think about it (like now), maybe I should just stop doing such stuff that reaps no benefits.
It's gonna be tough to tell me to just give them an obliging nod and say "never mind, it's alright, it's just them."
But maybe I'll just do that in time to come.



In this house,
in this life,
in this world,
where voicing out opinions is a sin,
where showing weaknesses ain't allowed,
I'll embrace the nights that allow my thoughts to flow, along with the tears that stain my cheeks.

As usual,
I was having my daily conversation with darling wanyu yesterday, laughing at some of the utterly absurd entries at FML she copied and pasted over at our conversation window. I seriously doubt if some of them are the truth, but who cares, they never fail to crack me up. Regardless if it's the truth or made up, I must thank whoever posted those entries, cus I sincerely believe they really performed a good deed and made many laugh (I mean, my friends ALWAYS crack up at those posts at FML!) at their misfortunes. And well I must say, it takes courage to actually post it to for the world to see and probably laugh at your own misfortune.


As the conversation continued,
we were onto the topic about being hungry at 10pm. Darling wanyu said that she had to resist taking another spoonful of the irresistable nutella! That's when our conversation moved drastically, from FML to Nutella. Nevermind how it happened, when it happened or why it happened; it just did. I chipped in by saying that I simply LOVE nutella, and I remember eating it since I was young. Out of the tiny individually sectioned box, with a white plastic spoon, I scooped bits of the nice, creamy chocolate/hazelnut flavoured cream into my mouth. Even as I'm typing this, flashbacks of when I'm little are surfacing. It's definitely a joyous memory.

Darling wanyu on the other hand, was sharing with me how her love for nutella led to her mum putting it in her PORRIDGE!! Imagine the HORROR! -shrieks- Personally, I hate stuff that doesn't go well together (like sweet and salty stuff, which brings to my mind mcgriddles, but oh well, I'll save that story for some other time.) but yeah!!! The taste that swirled around my mind and tongue when I try to imagine that is plain yikes. I've no idea how she overcomed it, and she's still eating nutella now (which I'm so thankful since it's such a NICEEEEEEE food.)

But yea. It's amazing how a taste can bring back so much memories, and common ones as well. How nostalgic and special.




And...
HOW DELICIOUS! =D

So, everyone's busy.

That's always the case. =X 
Whenever I'm bored, everyone else busy. Not that I'm blaming them. Don't get the wrong idea.

I know I'm not exactly the kind of person who NEEDS to get out of the house, but i'd LOVE to get out of the house.
Many prolly just label me as the stay-home kid, and I just happily accept that, cus well, I see no point in arguing otherwise. That's going with the flow, peeps.

I'm almost done with bidding, the current round isn't scheduled to end till 5th (which is a wednesday), AND I'm done with both seasons of the big bang theory (yes, a whopping 40 episodes of sheldon cooper humour), so i'll probably have to get out of the house and get a life.

Yes, probably alone, since school has started for most of my friends. (at least those I wanna hang out with.)
Yes, why the sudden thought? Cus it prolly slipped my mind how much I actually liked going out alone sometimes. Thanks to darling for reminding me about that.

It's tentative, but I might just do that. =D


Gonna play before school starts!

I have no idea when did I start putting up the false front of being nonchalant and strong at issues.
It seems like I've been acting this way for as long as I can remember.


Since my mum chided me for crying over small issues when I was young.
Since I realised tears are not to be seen by others.
Since exposing my weaknesses won't do me any good.
Since it seems way more cool to act as if you don't give a damn.
Since it's easier to not allow people to worry for you, than to expect some concern and not getting any.


I traded my smiles for a straight, no-nonsense face.
I traded my positive attitude for a cynical outlook about life.


Despite the truth that I'm actually shivering in fear about the uncertainties in life and human.
Despite the fact that it's really tiring to act like a tough cookie when people are just out to bring you down.
Despite wanting all the attention, care and concern that I can get from people around me.


As of now, I'm really sick and tired of being strong.


I need hugs.
I need comforting words.
I need a shoulder I can cry on.
I need someone I can depend on besides myself.


At the end of the day, even with these thoughts, I'm still stuck with myself to battle everything in this world.

"君を乗せて走ってゆく　例え傷ついた翼でも
眠る前に夢に見てた明日へ　君のTSUBASAになろう
I'll be there..."



I love this sign. <3
I was randomly drawing it when I was at the beach two weeks ago.

I first saw this sign from the tora's blog I think.
I thought it was pretty cool, and it has been my screensaver for my phone for as long as I can rmb, yet I only discovered like a few months back, this sign belongs to a finnish band called HIM, who plays love metal. Love metal, you'd ask, what is that?! 

Well, to put it simply, it's just metal songs with lyrics about love. I kinda like the style of their songs, reminds me of those lovely songs written by hyde for his solo projects. Lovely, lovely songs.



And just sharing the lyrics of another lovely song (the one I'm listening to!)


"夢の欠片拾い集め　僕が君の為出来る事
いつの日にか　消えかけてた心の灯を点すから
I'll be there..."


Have you ever wish that you could be someone's strength, even if you're inadequate by yourself?